Gracefully Accepting Feedback a Key Employment Skill

Jan B. King Gracefully Accepting Feedback a Key Employment Skill

With the long-term trend of protecting employees' individual
self esteem added to an overriding concern over expensive
employee lawsuits, accountability is more a buzzword than a
way of life at most companies.

This is a state of mind that has existed since the 1960s, so
the average employee has never received real quality
negative feedback -- the kind of feedback that might help
startle him or her out of career-dashing behavior and toward
a more lucrative and successful work life.

Smart employers realize that people are their only
sustainable competitive advantage. Companies hiring this
year will be looking for people who are highly capable in
their fields of expertise and who energize the other people
with whom they work. This will hold true for traditional
employees as well as independent contractors who will
continue to make up a larger and larger part of the
workforce.

Don't wait for this new world of employment, prepare
yourself now to get the feedback from others that will help
you develop into the powerful person you can be. First,
begin to change the way you feel about receiving feedback.
Listen to the messages you get from those close to you: your
spouse, children, close friends, other family members.
Write them down and consider them as food for thought.
Begin to analyze common pieces of feedback objectively and
develop ideas about what you might do if you wanted to
change their perceptions.

A key factor to remember about all feedback: it is one
opinion coming from another individual's unique perspective.
It is up to you to consider it thoughtfully, compare it to
other feedback you have received and do something positive
with it. It is impossible for us to see ourselves as others
see us, but very important that we don't allow these blind
spots to jeopardize wonderful opportunities.

Here’s a system for taking in feedback for maximum benefit:
1.When receiving any feedback, listen without comment,
looking directly at the person. When they have finished,
don't make any statements, but do ask questions if you want
clarification. Don’t accept, don't deny and don't
rationalize. Because we are rarely taught to give feedback
well, you will often get feedback when the giver is angry
about something in the moment. Quality feedback may be
emotional when it touches a heartfelt issue, but it is not
abusive. If a co-worker's critique gets to this point you
should ask to stop the discussion and have it at another
time when cooler heads prevail.
2.Recognize the courage it took to give you the feedback
and consider it a sincere gift intended to help you grow.
Thank the giver for feedback - make it short, but something
you can say sincerely, such as "You've really given me
something to think about, thanks." It is hard to feel real
appreciation when you hear negative messages about your
behavior, so it is important to have simple words of
gratitude prepared ahead of time.
3.Immediately write down all you can remember of the
feedback, recording as many words used by the giver as
possible. Allow yourself at least 2 days to process the
information, taking no action to change your perceived
behavior. Watch what you do and how other react to it.
After a few days, go back and look at your original notes.
Take out the emotion-packed words and look for the basic
message.
4.Know that feedback can be tough to receive, even if we
solicit it and are grateful for it. Although it is simply
another's perception, it can shake up your feelings about
yourself. Plan to do something nice for yourself when you
know you are facing tough feedback. Try to do something
that bolsters self-esteem - dinner with friends, or engage
in an activity that you are particularly good at.
5.Discuss the feedback with friends or others whose
opinions you respect, but ask them not to react to the
message. Tell them you are only looking for sympathy for
the difficulty of going through a rigorous self-development
process, but that you don't want them to agree or disagree
with the feedback. It would be normal to want to invalidate
negative feedback, and to get others to help you, but you
will lose what may be a critical grain of truth if you do.
6.Use feedback in a positive way as soon as practical, not
with the giver, but with others. Over time you may even want
to tell others to lightly remind you if you slip back to old
ways. "Jack, I don't want to bug you, but you asked me to
remind you if you started to get behind on those reports."

You are ready to receive feedback when you:
1.Want to know yourself as others see you and you are clear
that this is their perception, not necessarily what is true
about you inside.
2.Trust your co-workers to care enough about your
development to risk giving their opinion.
3.Have a place outside work you can talk it through.
4.Have opportunities for additional feedback so you get
validation of the changes you have made.

Things you can do now to get more feedback at work:
1.Find out if your employer has a 360 degree review program
or is willing to allow you to work with your human resources
department to develop a feedback program tailored to you.
2.Look back at old performance reviews and see if there are
common comments you can use.
3.Consider hiring a personal development coach to give you
alternative methods of getting feedback, such as personality
testing.
4.Decide to use the feedback to get a promotion or change
career direction so that you have a reason to get involved
in the process.

As you get to know yourself better, feedback will become less
painful. You learn how to put it into a larger perspective and how
to allow it to help you achieve your dreams.

About the Author

Jan B. King is the former President & CEO of Merritt Publishing,
a top 50 woman-owned and run business in Los Angeles
and the author of Business Plans to Game Plans: A Practical
System for Turning Strategies into Action (John Wiley & Sons,
2004). She has helped hundreds of businesses with her book
and her ebooks, The Do-It-Yourself Business Plan Workbook,
and The Do-It-Yourself Game Plan Workbook.
See www.janbking.com for more information.